Joy as Resistance isn't Going to Cut it

But we can't do resistance without joy either. Let's talk about it!

First and foremost: TODAY, Friday, at 2pm CST, I am going live here in substack with THE

Vico Ortiz

and

Nay Bever

from

Today in Gay Podcast

, a deliciously queer podcast that brings a whole lot of joy to a whole lot of people. I am SO EXCITED and would love to have you with us. Check out the link here!!

Earlier this week, I shared on Substack Notes some of my thoughts on the phrase "joy is an act of resistance." I had such robust conversation with the folks who responded that I thought it deserved a whole article!

My original post read as follows:

What about Queer Joy?

I received some really interesting follow-up questions that prompted me to spend more time thinking. What about Queer Joy or Trans Joy specifically? Is proudly, joyfully existing in the face of erasure not an impactful form of resistance?

To which I respond, "it depends." In longer form:

So often, I hear queer people, and specifically white queer and trans folks, and even more specifically white queer and trans folks coming from safe communities or relative financial security just say “queer joy is resistance” to mean “I do not want to be asked to change my behavior in any way. Me being happy at brunch in Brooklyn is resistance enough” and this is the particular sentiment I’m hoping to push back on.

There are two critical operative words we need to define: Queer and Joy. For me, I think it’s important to differentiate joy and happiness. Happiness is an emotional state, usually borne out of specific positive circumstances and often (but not always) coming with the ability to forget about our problems, at least for a little while. Joy is an attitude, a choice, an approach to things. There’s a bit more intention there, even if it will often overlap with happiness.

Example about joy vs. happiness: I love to lay in the sun in my local park,with my shirt off and my top surgery scars brightly visible and read trans fantasy books. In that moment, I am happy because I am in the sun and reading a good book. Simultaneously, I’m joyful because I’m reading a story that makes me feel seen and empowers me to envision a better future, and because I’m proudly celebrating my trans body in a way I know some conservatives hate so much.

I also think queer joy comes down to how each of us defines queer. If one defines queerness as only a sexual orientation, “queer joy” isn’t going to resist much. If one defines queer as a broader rejection of social norms, judgments, and ways of living and loving, “queer joy” will absolutely be inherently defiant.

The joy itself is not the full resistance, but I think with a slight tweak the phrase can still help us in this movement: joy is the heart of resistance. While it might seem like splitting hairs, I think it does a better job of capturing that while we cannot fix the world with joy alone, we also cannot fix it without joy.

So what is the actual role of joy here?

Well, In general I think my job as an advocate is three things, and I use joy in intentional ways to accomplish each of these goals:

• I have to decide what I want to fight for

• I have to get other people to fight for that with me

• I have to sustain myself and my community so that we can arrive at the world we're fighting to build

Joyful Imagination:

I'm using joy to dream of a better world for all of us, of a liberated future with robust access to healthcare and significant creativity in how we express ourselves while knowing that we'll be seen as we are no matter what. If you try to fight for a future based only on anger or fear, you will build a future full of anger and fear (if you manage to build anything at all).

To be clear: anger, fear, despair, and their cousins are not bad emotions. There is no such thing. They are critical emotions that let us know when a boundary has been crossed—when we can no longer accept the way something is. But as I've said before and will certainly say again, we cannot build a home in anger. We must listen to it, thank it, and heal from it by fighting for something better.

Your Turn: Spend some time deeply envisioning the world you want to build--but do so without words like "not". We aren't dreaming of what we want less of, dream of what you want to build. What you want more of.

• What does your day look like in this future?

• How do people engage with each other in this future?

• How does it feel to live there? What does joy look like there?

Once you have a clear picture of what you're fighting for, hold onto this. Let it fuel you. What are you dreaming of?

Joyful Invitation:

To quote the brilliant Black feminist, artist, and organizer Toni Cade Bambara, we have to make the revolution irresistible. We need to make advocacy something people want to be a part of. We will not do that with academic, ideological and linguistic purity tests (which are usually highly classist as well). We will not do that by shaming people into getting involved. We will not do that by only choosing to take, recommend or value advocacy actions that feel bad.

I'll probably write a longer post about this next week, but it's critical we start to notice that we've been perhaps building associations in our brains between how important an action is and how unhappy it makes us. Critical actions should feel bad and therefore feeling bad is morally superior. I want us to start to unravel this. When I suggest taking advocacy actions that feel good, notice what emotions/reactions come up for you.

Joy in our movements looks like taking time to celebrate progress and growth. Joy is building deep and genuine relationships where I feel loved and supported, and where I trust that when I make a mistake my community will let me know so we can work through it. It also means trying to balance suggesting actions that have a positive and negative emotional impact. Go to the capitol to testify and then attend a performance raising funds for queer youth.

Your Turn:

Reflect on the ways you invite others in to make change with you, and the ways you experience enjoying advocacy.

• What is the barrier for entry?

• What are the ways you and others can make a difference that feel good?

• What is your favorite way to make a difference? Not your most effective, favorite.

  • For some people, it's having conversations with loved ones to "move the needle." for others it's making and celebrating queer art that dreams of a better future. For others still, it's changing your spending habits to move away from Amazon and Target and towards local and LGBTQ+ owned businesses.

Joyful Continuation:

I steadfastly believe that we are going to be able to see a better world within our lifetime. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know what exactly it will look like or what it will cost to get there. But, I know we are building something that cannot be stopped or unbuilt. When I look at the pervasive hopelessness within our community, I feel a kind of grief and worry that some people won't get to see what we're building.

I've spent countless hours talking to folks who struggle with wanting to stay on the planet, as well as brilliant folks in the movement who've burned allllll the way out and gone to focus on other things, or just folks who are so despondent they feel like it's not worth getting involved in the first place.

This is a critical, and perhaps obvious, use of joy. I use joy to fuel my hope, and to encourage me to bring hope to others around me. I find joy in cooking and feeding people, a skill I regularly put to use sustaining my loved ones. I bring joy in the form of extra books and tarot decks to share at the state capitol during long waits, and custom playlists to rage about the specific bill I'm going to fight.

Yes, this also includes rest and relaxation and brunch in Brooklyn or an evening spent playing board games. Joy means remembering you are not just a vessel for change, you're a human being who deserves to experience good things.

I center joy in my self care and community care routines, and try to teach others to feel the same. In short, I use joy to do the best I can to stay in this movement and in this fight until we get to the world we're fighting for.

Your Turn:

• what does joy look like for you? How do you connect joy with things like rest, community, and healing?

• How do you build joy with or for others?

• What's one thing you can do this weekend that will bring you joy? How can you share that with others?

That’s all, folks!

Hope you have a lovely Friday, and I’ll have a good news roundup out to you in the next few days. I’m moving in about a week and a half, so things might look a little less regular for a hot minute.

Love you all!