The Case for Anti-Resolutions

Every year I make only one, intentionally ridiculous new year's resolution. This year, maybe you'll join me!

While technically this topic doesn't have much to do with my queer identity, the act of analyzing and consciously breaking social norms feels inherently queer to me, so we're rolling with it :)

For the third year in a row, I will be making only one formal "New Year's Resolution". It is the same resolution I have made every year since 2022.

I will be counting my hiccups.

You, like most of the members of my family and friends, might be thinking "WTF, Ben? Don't you want to try to find a way to improve as a human?"

Quite the opposite, in fact. I am relentless in my search for ways to become a better version of myself, but I don't like the idea that our only opportunity to do so is on January 1st.

I prefer to do my goal-setting and reviewing on a month to month basis. I love smaller goals. They give us the chance to:

• Create new habits, which (psychologically speaking) take an average of 30 days to form

• Respond to our current environment (what does January-Ben know about August-Ben's challenges or goals?)

• Enjoy some novelty (same goal for 12 straight months? Hard to continue when the shine wears off! New value-aligned goal every month? it's new and exciting, so I know I'm more likely to be energized about it!)

• Notice when we succeed! Every month, we have the opportunity to celebrate completing a goal (and we can choose to set the same goal for the next month, and celebrate it again!)

• Fail and try again! It's no secret that most folks do not keep their new year's resolutions until December 31st. Maybe you have a bad day, or a bad week, or a rough month, and then the goal is "over". Why would I restart a new year's resolution in July? But if I fail my March goals, I just give myself a break until April.

Hopefully I've sold you on setting monthly growth goals (I like to make a whole day out of it and make myself a cute powerpoint).

If you’re surprised I’m this “extra” about my goal powerpoints, you must be new here

This doesn't mean I think New Year's Eve is entirely useless, though.

For me, I like to use the start of the new year as a mile marker. I love taking this opportunity to reflect on how far I've come, the ways I've grown, the challenges I've overcome, things I've accomplished, and the ways I've stayed the same.

This year, this reflection took the form of a tarot spread.

I asked myself questions like "what did I learn this year?", "how did this year surprise me?" and "what could I have done differently this year?"

Picture of my “year in review” tarot spread. Let me know if y’all want some more writing about the ways I use tarot for meditation, reflection, and self care!

Once I've finished my reflection, it's time for an anti-resolution. No, this doesn't mean a resolution to become worse as a person (though, I guess it's your anti-resolution, so knock yourself out). It just means making a conscious choice to set a resolution that isn't quite so serious.

Here are some guidelines/suggestions for setting your own anti-resolution:

1. This is meant to be fun. Pick something that makes you smile or laugh.

2. Be absurdly specific. "Sneeze more" is funny, but not actionable. "Make a graph of my weekly sneezes"? Now you're getting it.

3. Failure to carry this resolution through to December should have no consequences on your health, career, family, etc. "try to get a promotion at work" is a legit goal that you don't want to give up on! "wear funny socks to work every day" or "add one small lizard-themed photograph to your kitchen every day until someone notices" has no consequences for not following through.

4. Bonus points if you're able to rope some other people into the humor of your anti-resolution (in a kind way). So not "prank my wife every day", but "tell my wife a joke every day", or "compliment one stranger every day".

If you need a few other ideas, here are some anti-resolutions I've tried, heard from friends, or seen folks chatting about online:

• Compile a photo album of the cats you spot in the wild. Share this album with friends

• Count your sneezes

• Make a recipe from a new country every week

• Touch one outdoor plant per day

• Commit one minor crime per day (not mine, and I'm not telling you who they are, narc!)

• Complete one gay action per day (you get to decide what this means)

• Try every fruit possible

It's going to be a long year for a lot of us, and anti-resolutions are a great way to reliably infuse some joy into the first few months (or even more if you can! I usually forget by March).

Do you have your own new year's traditions or anti-resolutions? I want to hear about them!